i feel.. rejected. and stupid. and thats stupid. ive heard so many people say that they cant stand it when others talk only about themselves. do you know it feels to realize that you've been talking about nothing other than yourself? its a shitty feeling-- trust me. my words are annoying, even to myself. yet, i feel like i have no one to truly vent to. i feel like i havent vented enough. i go from one shitty situation to the next. its a never ending cycle that i fear will never end. the constant nauseausness has to end somewhere. right??
"im caught between what you wanted from me and knowing that if i give that to you-- you might just disappear"
i just dont wanna be alone anymore. you may think i havent beem.. but even in a room full of people- feeling alone is as easy as breathing. i keep thinking where i went wrong.. when did i lose so much control.. when i wasnt able to change his mind anymore.. when did i stop being good enough? no matter what i do anymore- nothing changes. it hurts to walk away.. yet it hurts being there too. its a lose- lose. it fucking sucks. but ive learned to deal with it.
today was the only easy day ive had out of the last 4 months. i was waiting for it to all go wrong. and it did. when is that going to stop happening? its getting easier for me to accept things i dont want to accept. thats not supposed to happen.
i seriously need a place to put my head.
"you sing a sad song just to turn it around"
There are many ways to look inside yourself,Miss Thang.Perhaps you need
ReplyDeleteto allow yourself room to change your
point of view.It's easy to say in the
negative,I understand that one well.
But you have a big heart from what it
sounds that needs your own tlc.I wish
you well.For now,rest your head upon a
pillow with a good book and perhaps enjoy
escaping into a good book for awhile.